Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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