Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
