I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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