she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
