hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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