I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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