Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
