My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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