Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
