ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
