My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
