you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
