He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
