What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
