I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
