I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
