I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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