girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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