He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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