I CAN MOONWALK!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is my gift to your gina
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
