dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
