Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
