New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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