K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
