he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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