You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
