her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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