Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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