my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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