You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
