My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
