I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
