I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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