i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
