Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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