Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize