I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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