Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
