wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
