I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
