..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
