I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
