some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
