Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
