Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize