Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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