and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
