I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
