At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
