im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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