i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
