can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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