But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
