I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
