sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
