he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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