Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize