Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
