She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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