there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
