I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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