I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
