no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
