And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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