she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
