Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need water and some morals
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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