Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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