even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
