Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
