I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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