do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
