I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
