Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
