i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
