dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
