If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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