Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
