when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
