kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
