I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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