just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
