According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
