I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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