i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I will pee on everything he values.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
