my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Randomize